New York City

New York City is a place of juxtaposition, of opposites, of balance. 

New York City is a place with hundreds of streets lined with sticker carcasses, half smeared graffiti, and molding trash just as there are streets with spotless glass windows, 55' video screens, and boutiques that sell poor quality clothing with insanely high markups because there are people rich enough to buy them.

New York City is a place where actors and actresses, late night show hosts, and big shot CEOs can find fame and acclaim yet hide in the corner speakeasy on Monday night where no one will bombard them with questions or requests for just one photograph or signature that when added together becomes hours, then days, in their lifetime that they never get back. It is also a place where a popular, well-to-do, student council president straight out of college can find anonymity and seclusion, because suddenly their accomplishments and material possessions are a dime a dozen or pale in comparison to that of a tenant in the nearby Trump apartment building. 

New York City is a place where you can step into a restaurant and be expected to pay hundreds of dollars for an entree and a drink - because they have floating candles, a fountain, waiters who will lay cloth napkins on your lap, five different options of sparkling water, and salmon that is moist but has a perfectly crunchy skin. Then you turn the corner and you can be just as satisfied with chicken over rice from a Halal cart manned by a middle eastern man that works too long hours for too little money - if you can relish the taste and quantity without thinking about how it's made, and who really knows or cares.

New York City is a place where you are among millions of people, each with a different background, story, and challenges more vibrant and complex than your own. You are surrounded by so many people, people who may converse with you, call out to you, even compliment you. And despite this, you can feel completely alone.

New York City is a place where it’s okay to step onto the subway still wearing that costume you made for a parade - medium sized seashells that barely cover your C cup breasts but still suffice as clothing and make you conservative because it’s technically legal to go topless. But it is also the place where wall street analysts put on starched collars and fitted blazers for 18 hour work days until they wear holes through their shirt where their elbows are rubbing against their desk. 

New York City is a place where grand stone cathedrals under construction stand next to newly designed buildings that have windows in strange places and slanted sides that don’t make sense. "It’s aesthetics" the design student says, but the woman in her fifties - she prefers the old world architecture of the beige and mint green Brooklyn City hall buildings. 

New York City is a place where you can sit at the same spot in any of the scattered parks throughout the city and see the same people - the guy with a flock of pigeons - all of whom he knows by name, the girl with brightly colored tights performing with two hula hoops, the slightly cheeky guy that plays the grand piano, the men with giant sticks connected by dirty rope and buckets of soap water to delight the children with bubbles, the break dancers that yell too much and don’t dance enough, and the sex offender carrying the free hugs sign who will charge you if you take a photo with him. It is also a place where you can sit in the same spot and see people from fifteen different countries in one afternoon, people you’ve never seen before, only get to see for a moment, and will never see again.

New York City is a place where impatient bikers will aggressively ring their bell and yell “bike lane” at the top of lungs for people to move aside, where cars are constantly honking at each other as if that will make the traffic move faster and people drive smarter, but in reality only helps to relieve the pent up frustration of moving towards their destination at a slow pace. It is also a place where strolling tourists stop to take a photo of nearby attractions every two seconds, capturing every skyline and piece of art at a rapid pace, as if their photo will be better than the millions of versions taken by every other tourist that stood at that same exact place and took the same photo.

New York City is a place where skyscrapers loom well above our heads and below us an intricate subway system that weaves throughout the city streets. The undergrounds, alleyways, street corners, and vacant lots are active and alive with dark secrets and people that live on the fringe. One block away, a gathering of startup founders are popping champagne on a rooftop bar with strings of lights illuminating their celebratory faces. 

They say that in New York City, if you want it, you can find it. I found a lot more than I meant to, and not just the things I expected to find. 

I found in myself a sense of adventure, a willingness to put myself in unknown situations, and an ability to stay afloat regardless of where I am or what I’m doing. 

I found in my friends a refreshing sense of curiosity, incredible compassion, and ideas and dreams that push the boundaries of social confines.

And I found in the humans of New York the seeds of hope, dreams of love, quests for power, cries for help, insatiable appetites for change - raw and vulnerable voices of emotion that resonates inside all of us. 

If New York City was a part of me, it would be the soul. 

Social Concepts of Time - Is Late the New On Time?

Each person’s concept of time is inevitably different from that of another such that our natural clocks never seem to overlap.

It’s curious to think that one person can feel the same intensity of energy for the day with 6 hours of sleep while another person needs 10 to come close to the same amount. But this is more a product of our biological makeup than it something we can fix or control. Or so I believe.

Perhaps more puzzling is when a meeting is set for 8:00am and one arrives 5 minutes early, one arrives exactly on time, one arrives 5 minutes late, and one is only just leaving their house at 8:00am.

Because how many times has this been the case? That even though there is a fixed reference point for when you should arrive at a certain location, there is always variance in the arrival of each person to said point.  Seldom do all people involved arrive at the exact same moment.

This observation has led me to believe that learning to fit your concept of time with others’ concept of time is a crucial skill to master.

It’s easy to make an overgeneralized negative statement and say that anyone who is late has a poor concept of time. That they can’t manage it and can always be counted on to be late to the frustration for those who must wait for them.

In the career world, that may be the case, and in fact, is the case. But in the world of social get-togethers and coffee dates, the lines are blurred and understandably so. When in college, the difference between people's concept of time is even more pronounced.

Just as you learn about a person’s childhood, favorite bands, career interests, and life goals, you must also learn their concept of time. 

That is, if you are meeting a friend that always arrives 5-10 minutes late to every meeting, it would make sense for you to leave 5 minutes later than you would usually leave. It saves a great deal of annoyance as well as boredom in the trickling minutes until their arrival.

Yet, this requires an alteration of one’s own concept of time. My somewhat unconscious and natural concept of time remains the same - I wish to be early or at least on time. But in recent months, I have forced myself to wait that extra 5 minutes before leaving for a meeting with certain (most) friends. 

This is not to say that I am never late. Because I am at times. This is not to say my concept of time is any better or worse. I used to think that way, but I've started to realize that a vast majority of people in college do not mean 8:00am when they say 8:00am. An illogical and ironic truth that has become real and practiced in the social constructs of my collegiate world. 

College took my concept of time and twisted it. I still remember my shock at how every event started at 9:00pm at the earliest. "That's when I'm getting ready to go to bed. 7:00pm is a much more sensible time" I thought to myself. That was then. Now I know and am wired to assume that if the party starts at 9:00pm, you arrive at 10:00pm.

It bothers me for sure. But the benefits of arriving at a time that coordinates with other people's arrival outweighs the little bit of cognitive dissonance I have to endure in my mind. 

I think my urge to try and be early or at least right on time to every affair stems from a fear of offending another by being late, of missing out on some crucial event, or arriving in a less than put-together state. But then my fear of arriving early is that of wasted time, building up of tension and frustration, boredom, and social awkwardness.

My fear of the first few items is stronger than my fear of the latter few items. 

With that above realization I have created my own ideas and applications around the concept of time.

I’ve learned to take this supposedly wasted time with good graces. Sometimes it’s nice to simply sit there and take some time to yourself. Sometimes I find things to do so I don't look uncomfortable just waiting, conveniently also solving the issue of boredom. Technology helps.

It doesn’t matter what the other person does; I keep to my word. Even when I know someone will most likely be late and I’m running late myself, there’s something about walking faster to arrive right on time that gives me relief. I stand there breathing slightly hard but glad that I got there in time regardless of when the other arrives.

Time, whether early, on the dot, or late, only adds another dimension to a person. Along with the thousands of intricacies or factors that define a human being, this concept of time, I’ve discovered, is yet another facet. And boy is it an important one to figure out.

If I want to wait, I shall. And if I don’t, I won’t. Time in this context should be mine to control, at least when it applies to me. Only when I understand what time means to the people in my life will I come closer to mastering time.

Street Showstopper

In NYC, the streets are filled with people from all walks of life. Here more than anywhere though, there are people that stand out, that I can't help starting at, admiring, and being attracted to. Guys sure, I'm only human. But more strikingly, there are women that make an immensely lasting impression for the 5-10 second window of time you spend passing them on the street.

Aside from the occasional model, if you strip away everything these women have on (for a lack of a better way to put it), a lot of these women are just objectively average.

I was thinking about why some girls on the street stop traffic while others are just a blur walking by. Sure it has a bit to do with how they naturally look, but a lot of it's presentation. I'm starting to think any girl can be a showstopper if they have all the right components:

1. Colorful clothing

• Bright colors
• Contrasting but complimentary colors 
• Colors that are flattering for her skin tone

2. Accessories

• Completely changes the look of an outfit
• More than just one, usually at least 2-3 out of the 4 kinds (necklace, earrings, bracelet, ring)
• Noticeable and bright 
• Increases the elegance and allure of the girl

3. Makeup

• In general accentuates a girl's features, but you don't really need that much makeup on or any overall. It's about having one thing that pops.
• Red or bright lip
• Contoured face or noticeable cheekbones highlighted using blush
• Intense eyelashes

4. Masculinity/Confidence

• Having an edginess to the feminine in the body language
• Sometimes wearing something that's slightly androgynous
• A strut or confident walk changes everything
• Fast pace of walking with purpose
• Head high or at least up and straight forward

5. Height

• Build matters a little less, it's more about height - people have to be able to see them (their face) with relative ease
• If short, wear tall heels

Then there are other things that can help but aren't necessary per say:

1. Fashionable clothing

2. Big, beautiful eyes

3. Model body

And really that's it. It seems like a lot, but when you really think about it, all of this except maybe the height is doable for a lot of women. 

I also see women on the street and think, wow they are absolutely beautiful. But for the regular passerby, this women probably fades into the background because their outfit is completely grey, they have no accessories on, they're walking slowly and without a spring to their step, and there isn't anything about their face that pops necessarily.

Not everyone wants to be noticed on the street. But it's interesting to think about why some DO get noticed and how a lot of people CAN if they so chose to be. 

10 things I learned in 2013

Hello blog, it's been a while since we've last talked. So long in fact, it's already 2014. Say what? That's one less year of laughing on rooftops, playing in sprinklers, snowboarding down mountains, and traveling the world, all of which I have (guiltily) yet to really experience. This year has been a wild one. Quick recap:

First Internship: At the Washington Language Center - you killed it.
AKPsi: That's right, you pledged this semester - you killed it.
Romantic Encounters - this happened. And also didn't happen.
Grades - you didn't quite kill it, but let me just say, you SO tried.
Photography - you discovered your passion.
NYC Trip - you discovered your dream job.

And well, I've learned some things. And I feel old. I only have half a year left of being a teenager and then it's the big 2-O. So, what did I learn?

1. Start each day with looking into the mirror and telling yourself you are one good looking human being. I think people forget to compliment themselves sometimes. Your opinion matters just as much as everyone else's. Hey, if other people aren't going to appreciate the beauty that is you, then you at least will. And you're going to do it first thing in the morning so you get the right momentum going for the rest of the day. Make it a routine. I'm no model but I'd be lying if I said I didn't walk past the mirror sometimes, walk back to check myself out, and then walk away thinking "damn, I look guuuud." It does not matter what you look like, the definition of beauty is subjective, and in a sphere where there is no true definition, your definition triumphs. Because let me correct my previous sentence, your opinion is the only one that matters.

2. Don't regret anything. This sounds strange, or maybe improbable, but seriously, don't. It's all about the attitude. Things are going to happen, and it's all about rolling with the punches. I've stopped thinking about the "what ifs" of my decisions. Instead I realize that I will figure it out and either way, my life will be filled with dose after dose of pure awesomeness (I sound like a dork, no regrets).

3. Be everyone's best friend and no one's best friend. You want to be everyone's best friend because there's nothing to lose from friendship. Also, you're one BAMF (read this out loud, it's more satisfying) and everyone should know it. What I mean by that is: who knows in what capacity you might meet a person later on in life (i.e. your boss). There is no one you can afford to alienate, offend, or ignore.

You want to be no one's best friend because one, sometimes it's better to not assign the mighty title of "best friend" to any one person. You feel guilty about your other friends, pressured to always be with this one, and exactly what are the benchmarks for choosing a best friend? For instance, you have the most fun with Sally, but you'd rather share all your life secrets with Sue. Hm, that's a toughie. Two, this title changes way too often for you to keep up with it (yes, there are exceptions for those that have bffls, we can't all be you). Three, you shouldn't spend all your time with so called "best friend" because just as much as you should be invested in and dedicated to your relationships with your closest friends, you should be spending the same amount of time and effort to making and growing new friendships. Again, you can never have too many friends.

4. You need to get out of the house. It's so easy to just chill at home, let yourself survive off frozen dumplings and meatballs, and dress like you are the bed, especially in the colder months. Once I read this quote: "Drink more, because no good stories start with 'I was eating a salad'..." Let me adapt this quote: no good stories start with "I was at home watching TV and eating ramen." And if you do have a good story that starts with that, I better be the first to hear it. The point is, the world is a playground. Go out there and play. Go to more concerts, eat at new restaurants, study in hidden library spots, join more clubs, and dare to go out in that red low cut dress (you didn't hear this from me).

5. Know your limits and boundaries. Then pick which ones you're going to surpass and push past. Some places and things have limits and boundaries for a reason. Other ones are meant for you to challenge and exceed. Know the difference and proceed accordingly.

Case 1: Alcohol. Don't test your limits.

Case 2: Intellect. Never think you can't learn or understand something. I get that certain things come more naturally to certain people, but I think in hyperbole, so think about this: if you take that intro CS class 10 times, you think you wouldn't eventually become a pro, even if it is just at that level?

Case 3: Looks. This is a tough one because it's twofold. Know that what you look like is a product of your genes and to some degree there are simply things you cannot change. And why should you? You're freaking beautiful. But also know you can definitely do things to enhance your beauty, and hey if that shiny sequin top or that extra half hour at the gym is going to make you feel more confident about yourself, go for it. Seriously, I'm all about increasing the sexy.

6. Little gestures of love make all the difference. Sometimes all it takes is one sticky note with a smiley face, a bouquet of roses, a surprise cleaning of the kitchen, or a warm hug to make someone's day. My roommate was a fan of doing these little things while I was struggling through pledging, and let me tell you, words fail to describe the immense gratitude I feel for her.

7. Names and faces matter. Please for the love of all things <insert something you love>, figure out how to remember people and also just everything in general. How many times have you seen someone, become seized with an inexplicable urge to say hi (inexplicable because you can't remember who they are), then end up waving to them because they waved to you, and when that episode is over, you're left feeling guilty and confused because you still have no idea who they are? Long question, but the answer is many times. And you've read so many articles telling you to remember people's names and facts about them (this is especially important for your career), so I don't know, make flash cards or start an excel document with pictures (all that FB stalking is finally coming into use) or something. Don't find yourself in that awkward situation where you have no idea what's the first letter of the name of a girl you know (oh good, you know something) you lived on a hall with for an entire year.

8. It's important to focus on one central goal. Like school, or love, or work, or family. Because at each point in our lives we ultimately have one main goal and it's hard enough to focus on that one goal. How many times have you started writing a book and realized it's a piece of crap or for reasons you'd rather not mention (you're lazy) you've never completed this goal? Don't get distracted. Stick to the one thing that's important and ride that sucker all the way to the finish line.  

9. Everything is about finding a balance. For every opinion or notion you have about anything, there is a reason why the very opposite is also correct. So you strike a balance. This idea is still confusing to me, so here is what I mean:

Belief 1: You should spend more time consuming worthwhile media like The Verge and the New York Times as opposed to other TV shows.Well, you do want to fill your brain with useful information, but it's important to know about American pop culture references too. Being knowledgeable and in the loop includes these pop culture references.
Goodness knows how many times you have resented hearing the unavoidable "OH did you see that episode of How I Met Your Mother where Barney...." and as soon as they say the name of the show you are automatically smh-ing inside because this can only lead to three things. One, the person is disappointed you don't know it, and things get awkward. Two, they are incredulous and cannot believe you have not seen this show, making you feel like you are oblivious to the existence of technology or the continent of United States (yes, I just made the US a continent, that's how oblivious you are). Three, someone else besides uncultured you gets the reference and the two of them laugh over it for hours while you sulk in the corner.

Belief 2: You should study more. Well, you should also play more. And if you think you should play more, you should probably study more.

Belief 3: You should appreciate other people's interests and be more willing accommodate them, you know - listen to their music, eat at a restaurant they prefer, go to the skate park instead of the art museum. But, life is also too short to spend doing things you don't want to do. Because maybe you'd rather sit in silence then hear another Slipknot song, you hate Chinese food (if you do, we can't be friends, problem solved), and you skate like a worm (worms don't have legs last time I checked). So...find a balance! Maybe listen to their songs for a bit but then request to play your music for the next 20 minutes (25 if they're feeling generous and you've heard the speech Greed is Good).

10. Never say never. And don't make rules. I know the first is a Justin Beiber song and the second negates everything I've said in this entire post, but just hear me out. I always say that the worst thing someone can say to me is "Don't ever change" because, as sage Hiraclitus once said "The only constant in life is change." And he's absolutely right. Just as you think you understand the rules of the game, someone somewhere is going to come along and do something at sometime that changes everything you ever thought you knew.

My other wise friend Socrates once said "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing." And he's also absolutely right. The more you learn, the more you realize, what do you really know? You think you understand everything and decide that from this day on you will no longer do xyz, and then the next day you get slapped in the face by something else and have to change your rules. But what have I got to live by then, you ask. Well, I said don't make rules. That word has the connotations of being definite, of being the law of the land, carved into stone. Why not just um, make guidelines?


Final word:
At the end of this year, I discovered that I have learned so so much. But I say that at the end of every year don't I? And I'm only going to keep saying that year after year. I guess that's the beauty of life, you never stop learning and you never stop being surprised by how much you do and don't know.

The last question I have for myself is: what does the graph for the rate of learning over a person's life look like? I've considered a bell curve as a logical answer. I mean, from a baby to your late 30s or early 40s, you're consuming knowledge at a ravenous pace from learning how to walk to hitting the books for the next 16 years to learning the ropes at your new job and then your new position you get promoted to. It's crazy. But then maybe you finally get settled in at your job and in your family, so things get pretty routine. Then as you approach old age, everything just dies down, and you spend your days lying around in more relaxed pursuits.

But, what if it isn't a bell curve? What if life is an exponential graph? Because every year I feel like I've learned more than the last and well if this continues, my brain might just explode from the all things it has in there. It's crazy to think about, but I kind of like the idea that the rate of learning over a lifetime is an exponential graph.

And if it really is, well, I hope mine never hits a plateau.

Home Goods Stylescope

About to go to Home Goods to buy a present for Ken.

Went to check the website for when it closes and stumbled upon this thing called Stylescope where they show you a bunch of pictures and you pick the 5 that sticks out to you the most.

I picked these pictures:

And got:

FARMHOUSE GLAM with a touch of TRAVELOR

The description for Farmhouse Glam:
Farmhouse Glam is the delicate, exquisite balance between beautiful femininity and rustic nonchalance. She's all about the discovery of unexpected sparkle amidst the less polished. She wears high heels and a denim jacket, a string of pearls and bare feet. And her home feels as special as it does comfortable.

I like it :) At first I was like what....but then I realized it describes me pretty well. I like rural AND urban; I dig the free-spirited hipster concerts and the wall street Broadway scene of NYC. And here is something that effortlessly combines BOTH. win-win

Another description to note:

Farmhouse Glam is very approachable elegance, layering texture rather than color to create a look that is modern and rustic. Chandeliers above picnic tables. Ornate candlesticks alongside weathered pieces.

Take the Test Here!

Thoughtful Act

My family and I went peach picking today and my dad shared a story with me that is worth sharing:

"I was standing in line to buy the peaches when I saw this little boy going towards the ice cream fridge. The boy looked like he might have a some sort of problem, maybe autism. He reached into the fridge, grabbed a popsicle, and just started eating it. The guy manning the fridge goes 'Hey buddy, that's 2 dollars for the popsicle but of course the kid either didn't hear or didn't have the capacity to understand and walked away. The kid's parents were no where in sight. A man standing nearby and witnessing this goes up to the guy manning the fridge and hands him 2 dollars saying 'Here you go' and paid for the popsicle."

I guess there isn't some grander meaning behind this story and there isn't anything dramatic about it. Yet it touched me because people really do perform random acts of kindness. And if there's anything we need in this world, it's that :)

Writing a Book

I still want to write a book.

The more I think about it, the more I think it’s a wonderful idea. I didn’t say I want to publish a book, I simply want to write one.

But one does not simply decide to write a book. I’ve been down that road already. The trouble with writing is that it’s so easy to find an idea, grab onto it, and impulsively start writing.

But then what? You wake up the next day and you’ve lost the excitement and inspiration you had the day before. You sit down and look at the 5 pages or so you’ve managed to write and realize you still have hundreds of pages to go and you simply can’t do it.

 If you haven’t planned where you are going, then it just sits there.

And even if you have planned it, like I tried once, you start writing and you lose interest.

The biggest problem is finding something to write about. I don’t have the creativity to craft some thrilling mystery, action, or fantasy novel.

Anything I try and write about ALWAYS ends up becoming a sappy romance story. Pretty sure that’s what happened to the Twilight Series. I bet it was supposed to be about dueling vampires and werewolves in a giant battle for superiority or something. But then Stephanie Meyer threw in some romance and it consumed the whole thing. And now everyone makes those “still a better love story than twilight” jokes.

I’m not going to write a book about my life philosophies. Everyone wants to do that. And I think Dale Carnegie's already cornered the market on that one (How to Win Friends and Influence People anyone?). 

So one day maybe I'll be struck by a sudden idea that is worth devoting a great chunk of my time and effort for. I hope it's soon because authors have said that the voice you have as a youth always changes and you can never go back to it. Maybe it's because I'll get cynical and jaded. I hope not.

When that one day comes, I'll remember the advice an author gave. She gave herself the task of having to write at least 100 words a day. This is effective because once she started writing then there's a flow that keeps going, and you're almost always bound to write more than 100 words a day. Now THAT is an efficient and smart system.

But for now, I guess will just have to put my dream of writing a book on hold. I'll wait for you, Epiphany, and when you come, I'll be ready.