Home Goods Stylescope

About to go to Home Goods to buy a present for Ken.

Went to check the website for when it closes and stumbled upon this thing called Stylescope where they show you a bunch of pictures and you pick the 5 that sticks out to you the most.

I picked these pictures:

And got:

FARMHOUSE GLAM with a touch of TRAVELOR

The description for Farmhouse Glam:
Farmhouse Glam is the delicate, exquisite balance between beautiful femininity and rustic nonchalance. She's all about the discovery of unexpected sparkle amidst the less polished. She wears high heels and a denim jacket, a string of pearls and bare feet. And her home feels as special as it does comfortable.

I like it :) At first I was like what....but then I realized it describes me pretty well. I like rural AND urban; I dig the free-spirited hipster concerts and the wall street Broadway scene of NYC. And here is something that effortlessly combines BOTH. win-win

Another description to note:

Farmhouse Glam is very approachable elegance, layering texture rather than color to create a look that is modern and rustic. Chandeliers above picnic tables. Ornate candlesticks alongside weathered pieces.

Take the Test Here!

Thoughtful Act

My family and I went peach picking today and my dad shared a story with me that is worth sharing:

"I was standing in line to buy the peaches when I saw this little boy going towards the ice cream fridge. The boy looked like he might have a some sort of problem, maybe autism. He reached into the fridge, grabbed a popsicle, and just started eating it. The guy manning the fridge goes 'Hey buddy, that's 2 dollars for the popsicle but of course the kid either didn't hear or didn't have the capacity to understand and walked away. The kid's parents were no where in sight. A man standing nearby and witnessing this goes up to the guy manning the fridge and hands him 2 dollars saying 'Here you go' and paid for the popsicle."

I guess there isn't some grander meaning behind this story and there isn't anything dramatic about it. Yet it touched me because people really do perform random acts of kindness. And if there's anything we need in this world, it's that :)

Writing a Book

I still want to write a book.

The more I think about it, the more I think it’s a wonderful idea. I didn’t say I want to publish a book, I simply want to write one.

But one does not simply decide to write a book. I’ve been down that road already. The trouble with writing is that it’s so easy to find an idea, grab onto it, and impulsively start writing.

But then what? You wake up the next day and you’ve lost the excitement and inspiration you had the day before. You sit down and look at the 5 pages or so you’ve managed to write and realize you still have hundreds of pages to go and you simply can’t do it.

 If you haven’t planned where you are going, then it just sits there.

And even if you have planned it, like I tried once, you start writing and you lose interest.

The biggest problem is finding something to write about. I don’t have the creativity to craft some thrilling mystery, action, or fantasy novel.

Anything I try and write about ALWAYS ends up becoming a sappy romance story. Pretty sure that’s what happened to the Twilight Series. I bet it was supposed to be about dueling vampires and werewolves in a giant battle for superiority or something. But then Stephanie Meyer threw in some romance and it consumed the whole thing. And now everyone makes those “still a better love story than twilight” jokes.

I’m not going to write a book about my life philosophies. Everyone wants to do that. And I think Dale Carnegie's already cornered the market on that one (How to Win Friends and Influence People anyone?). 

So one day maybe I'll be struck by a sudden idea that is worth devoting a great chunk of my time and effort for. I hope it's soon because authors have said that the voice you have as a youth always changes and you can never go back to it. Maybe it's because I'll get cynical and jaded. I hope not.

When that one day comes, I'll remember the advice an author gave. She gave herself the task of having to write at least 100 words a day. This is effective because once she started writing then there's a flow that keeps going, and you're almost always bound to write more than 100 words a day. Now THAT is an efficient and smart system.

But for now, I guess will just have to put my dream of writing a book on hold. I'll wait for you, Epiphany, and when you come, I'll be ready.

Bros Before Hos?

You know what I always wondered?

Why girls find it so impressive when they have lots of guy friends. I'm a girl, and as much as I try to convince myself that it doesn't matter to me whether I have lots of male versus female friends, I both consciously and subconsciously feel proud when I think about the guy friends I have - whether I want to or not.

Let me provide some anecdotes.

Today when I was talking with this girl from the same high school - I hadn't seen her in a long time. She was talking about how she is driving to Wisconsin to camp there for a music festival and mentioned she was going with a couple friends. And she adds "yeah and they're all guys too." The other guy in the conversation jovially replies "Oh jeez that'll be fun, just don't share a camp with them" and she goes "ugh, I have to."

Stop right there.

For the guy, he just chuckled as if sympathetic to her pain. But to me, a fellow double X chromosomer, it is obvious that even though on the surface she is complaining and acting disgruntled at having to sleep in a tent with three other guys, she's not actually annoyed at this fact. In fact, she's a little bit proud. And this is not me criticizing her, I would probably feel the same.

What I imagine is going on in her head is something more like "Hell ya I'm sleeping in the same tent with three other guys. Look at me, having all these guy friends and being the only girl amongst them. I can get guys like that."

Let me state another more evidenced example.

I was talking to my friend about the friends I had made at college. And she asked a lot about them, who they were, what my relationship was with them and stuff.

Now, I knew that I had made a good amount of guy friends at college and it was something I did in fact, notice. Sure, maybe part of me was prideful with the same "look at me, I have guy friends" mentality, but it just happened coincidentally and I never could understand why even in my own mind - why does it matter if a friend is male or female?

In any case I also made lots of female friends too, if not more. So, I didn't particularly think of myself as some sort of some badasss chick that always hung with guys.

But as I was talking to her about my closest friends at college (who happen to mostly be guys), she remarks "Wow, I wish I had that many guy friends too." or maybe it was "Man, I wish I had as many guy friends as you."

Either way, it caught me off guard, both at the content of the statement and at how the statement had basically belittled her or put her below me in some regard. And how willing she was to do that to herself.

It didn't occur to me that this was an "accomplishment," something I should be proud of.

Of course as soon as she said it, I thought to myself "Yeah..you're right, I DO have a lot of guy friends. Way to go Ariel."

But then I think about it now and wonder....wait, why is that an achievement? And honestly I still don't know. I believe many girls feel this, as much as they protest or deny. I think it's just natural. You know, as sexual beings and stuff. It makes us girls feel more desirable, like guys want to be with us, they want to be our friends, and hence maybe lots of guys like us romantically.

It's something I wish I didn't feel. I can't think of a LOGICAL reason anyway to feel proud that I have lots of guy friends. The feeling actually makes me feel like a lesser person.

I don't necessarily think it's a feeling/concept I can get rid of it, it seems pretty biological. But maybe it's at least something that I am thinking about it? It's a start anyway.

And maybe once (if) I get a boyfriend, I wouldn't care anymore.

My mom always warned me though, that boys don't like girls that have too many guy friends over girl friends.Well, guess I better find me some hos.

To Love or To Be In Love

I often pondered this idea of "loving someone" vs "being in love with someone".

Because if you think about it, they are completely different things. And while I can argue forever about the exact ratio, I would say a greater amount of people love each other than are IN love with each other.

I try and think of a ways to define each, but it's kind of difficult to put to words. But the stuff of the movies, you know, Tristan and Isolde, Jack and Rose of Titanic, Allie and Noah from the Notebook, Maria and Captain Von Trapp of Sound of the Music....now that's being in love.

I'm not saying you have to be ready to catch a grenade or throw your hand on a blade for the other person. But being in love is just something so much deeper - a connection so pure and strong that happiness can't be achieved without the other.

When two people in love look at each other, you can see it.

Here's how I think it goes:

Two people that are in love with each other always love each other.
Two people that love each other are sometimes in love with each other.

I am realistic. I don't know if I'll find someone that I will be in love with. But I darn well better find someone I love.


FB Status Recap

Today on the bus I sat across one of the most attractive men I have ever seen. He was probably in his late 30s or maybe early 40s but he had that George Clooney thing going, except he was even better looking. We made eye contact once and good god his eyes were pure bluegreen. And he wore aviators, those are my weakness. The problem with beautiful people is that I can't stop staring at them. He probably noticed that I peeked at him like 20 times during that bus ride...

When all the senior members of the company are out on business trips and the president comes in with the two new recruiters that just got hired last week and says to me "For better or for worse, right now, you're the one who know the most...."
 
Oh goodness, some man on the metro decided to chat it up with me for like 20+ minutes, all the way from Clarendon to Vienna. He was in his 50s and was a director of research at some technology company in MD. I think because he doesnt ride the metro often and drives instead, he gets lonely. And maybe I have "talk to me" written all over me or something, but hey I dont mind, random long conversations in the metro make life interesting I guess.

The typical facebook message conversation between two friends consists of one paragraph each that goes back and forth. But Hanbin Cho defies this rule. Just as I think my message to him can't be any longer, his message back is even longer. Just because I was curious, I copied and pasted it into word....it was 4,193 words. That's 6 pages single spaced. That is insane. Friendship level: expert.
I <3 you!

How this conversation goes in my mind versus real life.
Man: “Can I fax you my documents?” (Who faxes things anymore?)
Me: “Well, I need electronic copies, could you scan them instead?” (Unless your internet is broken, no)
Man: “But I have a lot of documents...can I just fax them to you?” (What do you mean you have a lot of documents? Why is that even a problem…)
Me: “If you can’t get access to a... scanner, you can go ahead and fax them and we can scan it here”
Man: “I have a scanner, that’s not an issue. I just have a lot of documents. ” (are u fo reals?)
Me: “If you fax them, we’d still have to scan them here. We are quite busy and that’s why we would like to ask you to help us with that” (Aint nobody got timeeee for that)

My work emails have been very insightful today, or rather the people behind them have been. I’ve gotten “Ariel, I believe life takes you places!” and “everything in life happens for some reason.” By now I’ve realized that behind the flat professional emails and secretary voice filled phone interviews, I’m talking with very real people with very real dreams, troubles, and passions. In a short amount of time, I have glimpsed into the lives of so many, each with a unique story to tell. Such is HR I guess.

That has got to be the 8th person to tell me during our phone interview that they thought i was a man. And they're justified too; they keep telling me how their mom's friend's cousin's dog's great uncle knew a man named Ariel. Most of them are subtle about it. But ive definitely called ppl where the first thing they blurt out after I introduce myself is "Oh! I thought you were a man!" so smooth...  

Internship Family

I feel so blessed to have found and gotten this internship. Not only have I gained so much experience and insight AND gotten to wear the work clothes I so dearly love, but I've gained the friendship of such wonderful people.

Dagmar, my beautiful Czech colleague, unfortunately departs today for Boston. And Ken, president and founder of WLC invited everyone to his house for a little coffee and cake as a going away sendoff gathering for Dagmar.

It really just warms my heart when I walk in and he clasps my hand and kisses me on the cheek. And then his wife, Beth, kindly makes hot earl grey tea for me.

And Anna, my supervisor is just as loving. She walks in the other day and just gives me a giant hug and says simply "I love you"

Megan, Beth and Ken's daughter, is no different, silly and goofy, she is every bit as loving as her parents. I don't know what I would do without her spunky and lively attitude.

Tim, Barbara, Zliakha, and Oscar, all my other coworkers are just as unique and wonderful in their own way.

Simply put, I love the people I work with. And I don't think I'll ever find another company that will be as much of a joy to work for. People always talk about big companies that they would love to work for and how successful they would be if they did that.

I don't know if I feel the same way though, I just feel like small companies and startups are so much more personal and you gain so much experience. Because there are less people, each person ends up taking over several projects and learning new things all the time.

Ken always jokes that I don't even need to go back to college. I think he is serious in that if I decided not to go to college he would just give me a job at WLC. I am touched and flattered of course.

I just don't know if HR is my calling. It's not bad for sure. It's interesting to meet and talk to all these people, you learn so much. I love people, and family friends are always telling me how I have such a great people personality that will take me far in life. I'm flattered.

But sometimes, I think that although I am outgoing or at least try to be, inside I'm a bit more of an introvert. Or at the very least, I'm a very independent person. And working with people all the time can get tiring.

Getting along with coworkers is one thing. You see them everyday and they are the same person, you only know more and more about them. Meeting new people is refreshing and takes the boredom out of a job, but it also makes me subconsciously nervous when I initially give them a call.

Either way, I am extremely HAPPY with how my Summer turns out. I would be more than happy to do anything I can to help WLC in the future. It was truly a joy to work with them and I still have the rest of August left.

I hope the colleagues I've met will always remain my friends. I will make sure of it.

Come What May

Too often I don't think before I do things, I don't consider the consequences, the pros and cons, whether something is normal or not....

I constantly do things or say things, and afterwards I think: hm probably shouldn't have done that.
But I allow myself to do this, to have free rein so to speak, to act without thinking to much.

I mean, for one, life's too short. I don't have time to ponder the complexities and possible outcomes of each and every choice I make. Sometimes it's just now or never.

But more important I trust myself to be able to deal with consequences, whatever those might be. I expect that I will be able to pick myself back up if I fall. I expect that I will see the silver lining in everything.

How do I know I will be able to recover, to fix things when things go wrong, to rise from everything relatively unscathed? Well, I don't know. I am making a complete ass out of you and me by assuming I am capable.

But the trick is to convince yourself that you will be able to handle the outcome no matter what happens.

Recap

Sitting by an open window with light flooding in, eating a gingerbread cookie with milk while wearing a comfy oversized sweater, listening to soothing jazz music while editing photos....it doesn't get much better than this If only someone was here to share this pleasant calm with me

Back in the days when I knew someone was coming over, I would set my desktop background to a giant picture of their face to thoroughly freak them out. Not sure why I don't do that anymore...

Boys suck. That being said, I sometimes wish I were a boy. Nooo, not so I can treat a girl right or something sappy like that. It's so I can wear a suit and tie and look as sleek and sexy as one of Justin Timberlake's music videos.

All the time I get calls from people that I’ve obviously contacted somehow sometime…but I call/email so many people I don’t remember them all. It’s the weirdest thing to have someone call you and refer to you by name while you’re stuck there trying to figure out who the heck you’re talking to for half the conversation.

I wish there was a soundhound app for scents. The woman sitting next to me today smelled really good and I am in the market for a perfume. I debated on whether asking her would be complimentary or creepy. I decided on the second. So now I can’t smell heavenly because I don’t know the name of the perfume.

That was the first time in my life that a telemarketer has called my house and asked if I spoke Chinese. So I said yes...probably should have said no lol

Other teachers who haven't already been introduced to me are always surprised to find out that I'm NOT a Chinese language instructor working at WLC. It's happened like 3 times. That's what happens when you work at a language center I guess...Asian problems.

Heard on the radio today: some dentist fired his assistant because he thought she was too attractive and was afraid he would start an affair with her. The supreme court ruled that this is not illegal sex discrimination because the firing was based on feelings and not sex. So i guess basically, dont be too attractive, you could get fired.

It’s amazing what a little coffee can do for me. I feel so much more energized and alive compared to yesterday! I just asked a 90 yr old woman to twirl around in her dress, and guess what, she did. And she never looked so young and beautiful.

Definitely just stood in the elevator for 15 seconds thinking about bug bites before i realized i hadnt press any buttons. Then i walked outside and saw what i thought was a man peeing on a bed of flowers in broad daylight but really he was just watering them with a hose at a very inconvenient angle for him

I am in love with the essence of a man I have never met. The music he creates puts me into a calm so still I don’t think I’d ever wake up. It raises up every doubt and insecurity, every memory and emotion, it touches all that is inside me. And when I hear his music, I feel so deeply that reality seems to fade away into a stream of consciousness. (olafur arnalds)

You know it's going to be a good day when you're walking to work and a random guy that just finished a run starts talking to you about how marathon runners shouldn't wear shirts because at the end of the race their nipples will be bleeding from all the friction. Despite that strange dose of knowledge, he was a really friendly firefighter.

So i dont believe in love at first sight. But apparently its possible for me to want to marry someone after only a few exchanges. Bonded over the exorcist-like whispering of the metro stop announcer with a guy that was tall and beautiful with the friendliest smile and kindest eyes. And by beautiful i mean he was handsome and looked like a million bucks in his white button down and blazer in hand. Completely out of my league but a girl can dream

Yesterday I felt like a kid in a candy store going to Lotte. I bought a carton of 18 eggs. And 24 hours later...there are only 6 eggs left. But at least I still have the 6 salted duck eggs and whole container of orange sushi fish eggs. I think I have a serious egg problem.          

Video Game Live

I just got back from a Video Game Live Concert at Wolf Trap. Never did I think I would end up there, but I LOVED it.

There's just something about the intensity, the fun, and the passion that goes behind it. Seeing all these fans get excited and feeling connected to each other through this shared interest is really something.

I liked that they showed clips from Russian Tetris creater Alexey Pajitnov and Japanese video game music composer Koji Kondo. Shows how global and universal video games are.

I never played video games as a child really. I climbed trees, build bird nests, rode bikes. While I definitely find it very important to be outdoors and play with nature. I'm starting to realize that it's important for my child to play some video games too.

Why? Well it sets up the basis for connections later on in life. I see people laughing and reminiscing about games they use to play, which one was their favorite, etc. I want my kid to have that too.

Now, this particular setting was interesting. I went because a guy I had met only once before asked me on a date there. I couldn't believe this was happening because the guy that just rejected me had told me he was going to this concert. I wondered if this was some really strange and fated coincidence.

I personally didn't feel romantic interest for the guy that took me on the date. But you know what, he treated me very nicely, packed a picnic, paid for my ticket, and opened the car door for me. And for that I thank him. I enjoyed the concert, I did.

But. He smokes. And for me, even though I just didn't see our personalities connecting anyway, that was the real deal breaker.

I still had fun I guess. I just don't know how to relay to him that smoking is a big turnoff and at most I only see a loose friendship in our future.

I think though, that it was for the better I went on this date. Because it took my mind off the other guy, and especially because I knew he was going to be there. It's kind of like saying "Hey screw him. I'm at the same concert with another guy on a date. I don't need you anyway."

AND I got to see my friend Henry Hutchinson rock out on stage on Guitar Hero. He won some contest earlier and so he got to "play" with the National Symphony Orchestra. That will be SOME story to tell later on. He deserve it, him and his amazing dexterity...he's got them piano fingers.

Hearing everyone cheer him on, root for him like a team. That was just something. It was like everyone in the audience felt his highs and lows, and was along for the ride with him. I myself was invested in his performance. And when he reached the 450,000 point goal, I was beaming with joy. Go Henry.

If We Are Being Honest

 Well, it's happened yet again....REJECTION.

Just looking at that word puts shivers down my spine. Well, not really. But you know, what I keep telling myself, is that rejection only gets easier and easier.

And yeah sort of, but even if I don't feel pain...somewhere deep down, something is affected, I'm sure of it.

I'm of the belief that all that prolonged flirting, playing hard to get, pretending to like someone else, creating jealousy, putting someone in and taking someone out of the friend-zone, etc....those games are dumb. Romance should be simple and straightforward.

I mean so I think, but unfortunately the world doesn't work that way. I think this is the last time I will try and play by my rules. Next time I will follow the rules of the romantic world.

I always replay things in my mind that could have worked out better. But that's also dumb because the fact of it is, you can't go back in time and change anything. So why beat myself up over something that has already happened?

I hung out with someone and afterwards sent them a text saying
"I'm going to regret his so hard in the morning, but I'm sending this while I'm still tired and not thinking straight. Just wanted you to know I am extremely attracted to you....blah blah blah"

And guess what, I did regret it...somewhat. But I'm also glad I just went ahead and said it.

He replied saying that he didn't feel the same way, which, well I thought he did...that's the main reason I felt comfortable sending that text. SO I guess it just goes to show you that when it comes to love/lust I know NOTHING. Well, I already knew that. But still I put myself in situations that I just know aren't going to turn out well.

He then went on to say that if it was going to make things weird or difficult between us, we shouldn't hang out.

I hate awkward relationships, ruined friendships, uncomfortable situations, anything of that sort. And I always hear stories of how people date or there's unrequited love or a casual hookup, and it all ends badly between the two people involved. Maybe more than two, who knows.

I just ain't about that life. And I want to make sure that everyone I meet I end up staying friends or at least civil acquaintances with.

Last time a guy broke my heart and started dating a girl in the same friend circle. I chose to stick it out and suck it up. My other guy friend who liked the girl chose to become detached. But if I did that...I would have a lost a close friend, become estranged from my friend group, all at the cost of a love that would never have worked anyway.

So, I said something like "okay, no worries, it won't make things difficult between us at all...forget I said anything :) "

And he said "I can do that."

So you know what, I think I'm just going to leave it at that. I honestly don't know whether I should be hurt and cry or laugh. My initial reaction was to laugh at the stupidity of it all. Which made me realize that it doesn't really hurt because this is LUST and not LOVE.

I'm attracted to a lot of people. I may or may not want to have sex with them all. But that doesn't mean I would want to marry them or even date them.

I guess that's why I'm okay this time. It's a little more complicated because he gave me my first kiss, but honestly, it's not much different. I knew we didn't get along in the romantic sense. And well, this confirmed we didn't even get along in terms of lust and attraction.

Does this hurt my ego though? Well, maybe. But it shouldn't. I still think I'm pretty fantastic.

Besides, there's plenty of fish in the sea right?

I just have to recast my line or something.....

Don't Dance at Work

Recap of past Facebook statuses these past two weeks:

Usually on the way to and from work I pass people and hear things like "I filed the report yesterday" or "you got to look at the market value first" but today I passed someone and I heard "...cheating on his wife with a stripper..."- good way to start the day.

Such an awkward moment. I took a mental break at work and was jamming out to some tunes in my head. I started doing a mini version of the Wop in my chair and this dude (a client probably) walked by. We made eye contact and I’m pretty sure he was thinking something along the lines of wtf. I really hope he interpreted my “dancing” as hand-clapping or conducting or something. Moral of the story: don't dance at work.

The teacher and student duo trying to learn Farsi next door are amusing as no other. There’s a lot of raised argumentative shouting and screaming chuckles all the time. The student: “By the end of this, I will either hate you or we will be friends for life” lol this guy

You know it’s bad when someone, who's second language is English, uses words I should know but don’t in her answers to my questions and I am forced to Google them and come to terms with the fact that if I were to take the SAT again, I would fail miserably.

Definitely just spilled an entire cup of milk onto my lap. Don't even know how that happened...good thing no one was around to see that.

I may or may not have the slight inkling of a crush for this guy I keep seeing in the kitchen around lunchtime. I’m pretty sure he’s an employee, which means he’s FOREIGN and probably speaks a sexy language and also has a cute accent when he speaks English. And, he drinks tea, and not from a teabag. Now if only I could say something to him…I wanna hear him talk

I definitely just walked out in my underwear in broad daylight...but I had something gross in my hand that I needed to dump out right away and the pros of getting rid of that outweighed the cons of me being half naked. Besides, 10 years from now, would I care? No. 20 years from now, will I be able to do that? No. Accidents would happen, and not in the good way. So there we go, action justified.

Heavyweight

Lately I've been feeling like that Rachael Yamagata song "Heavyweight"

You think you are such a heavyweight
It don't mean nothing
At the end of the day
There is not a thing here left to break
I won't feeling nothing
There's nothing you can say to
Make me feel like I should walk away
I'll help you bear your heavyweight

What I mean is...I don't mind taken on my friend's burdens and helping them bear some of that heavy burden that's on their shoulders. What are friends for right?

But when a lot of it is happening all at once...it's not good for the heart I think. It's like my friend John says, he can't say no, he always tries to help people even if it causes him pain or trouble.

I don't think I'm super altruistic or anything, but I definitely easily feel empathy. That's great and all, but at times like this it can be hard.

My heart suddenly feels heavy, but then again it could just be because I'm not getting enough sleep. From love problems to financial problems to sister problems, this week has just been....a lot. I've given all the words of encouragement and understanding left to give. I've given all the advice I have no grounds to give.

Funny thing - advice. People don't always ask for it, but they imply it. And so you give them advice, but most of the time when people give advice there's no basis. I mean, I KNOW that most of the time I give advice, it's completely opinion and beliefs.

I can't count the number of times I've tried to give people wisdom on relationship, romance, boy/girl problems. Who in their right minds would think it's a good idea to ask me? I've NEVER been in a relationship, I've only ever liked ONE guy and that did not end successfully, and every single "date" I've went on -  I don't consider a single one of them a date. And if we are talking about firsts, I have my virginity and my first kiss doesn't even count because I didn't FEEL anything.

Family advice? I have my own family problems just like everyone out there. No problem within the family is the same. My own problems aren't similar to other people's. Again, no basis or authority to say anything.

Financial problems? I don't like math, or maybe it's real life, and we'll leave it at that.

I guess what I'm...complaining about (I hate complaints and people that complain, so here is me being hypocritical) is that I'm tired of providing constant and incessant amounts of encouragement, assurance, care, worry, etc.

Emotionally, I am a little worn out. I guess I wish all the love I've poured out recently was reciprocated. Really, maybe I'm just feeling a bit lonely because I'm alone now.

I think I'm allowed to wish for someone to hold me in their arms and tell me to let go of everything, let it all melt away, and that they love me in whatever way they are capable of loving me. 

Bachelorette Pad

I guess I haven't been posting as much as I should have been on here. But starting.....NOW I will. Knock on wood. (honestly don't even know if this is the appropriate opportunity to do that)

Well, I'm sitting in my underwear in front of an open window and the taste of freedom is still there.

My family left for Taiwan. And now my friend who stayed with me for the past week or so have left too. So, today is really officially the first day I'm staying by myself.

I think I will be able to keep myself occupied but still I'm a little scared about being lonely, not necessarily bored.

On another note, I wrote something in a text to a friend that I quite like. Here it is:

"I mean, I guess in the end, behind all the smiles and serenity, everyone's got their own troubles and dark secrets. It's just a part of being human, and somehow we learn to help people and love them anyway. It takes time and it might not happen but you can only try"

If You Knew You Could Get Away With Something, Would You Do It?

If you knew you could get away with something, would you do it?

Sex Eyes

So I have this theory that a lot of people have certain types of eyes. These are the three that I can think of right now, and not everyone fits into any of these.

Sex Eyes
It's like they're constantly undressing you with their eyes, every time they look at you. Sometimes when you're talking to them, their eyes leaves your eyes momentarily to gaze at your mouth and then they slowly pan back up. These eyes often have this hazy misty look that makes them seem like their lazy. It's kind of like you're in a lounge with dim lighting and jazz music in the background. And they're just gazing into your soul, and undressing you.

Happy Eyes
These eyes shine like crazy and it's not about the color. They're like stars that never dim, they're always lit up and seem to be wide and full of energy. The eyes exude pure and intense joy, filled with an exuberance that is infectious. Doe eyed and bushy tailed. These people almost never fail to have happy eyes, so it seems like the only emotion they're capable of is happiness. Probably not true, but that's what it looks like anyhow.

Twinkle Eyes
It's like Santa Claus, or Mrs.Claus. It's like they're always merrily winking at you even if they are not. There seems to be a mischievous secret or a bit of mystery behind those eyes. At the same time, they are full of warmth and love. The eyes often narrow into soft kind wrinkles, usually accompanied by the slight hint of a smile.

So you if know what I'm talking about and you've seen people with these eyes, awesome.

If not, well, maybe you'll meet someone with one of these eyes one day, and you'll know what I'm talking about ;)

Gonna Need a Lot More Yoga After Tomorrow

The musings of this summer....

Mr. Kao
I have been called Mr. Kao more often than I have been called Ms. Kao through email at this point. People, how many Ariels do you know that is a man? Have you not seen the Disney movie? That mermaid is basically wearing nothing but a bra, it's a female.

Sex Music
You know its bad when Spotify suggested playlists/music based off of what you listen to and what shows up is: "Sex songs-Instrumental Saxophone Songs Love Making Music" ...i know what you're thinking, but it's all because I happen to enjoy jazzy elevator music and soft piano love songs.

Yogi in the Making
It really doesn't get much better than doing some level 2 Yoga with your coworkers and then eating Vietnamese Pho after work. I mean....I definitely fell over one time because my shoulder and head got tangled under my arms or something. Both my supervisor and the yoga teacher laughed at me. Somehow I dont think Yoga is my thing....

#Popular
Also my supervisor suggested I don't call more than 5 people a day because even if they don't pick up, they will get back to you the next day and it gets overwhelming.

Well, I thought that because it's email it shouldn't be that bad...except when you write: feel free to call me at this number. On all of them.

And I contacted like 25 people.

Tomorrow should be interesting......

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

I was telling my mom about a beautiful friend of mine that I took photos of. She kind of just shrugs her shoulder's and goes, eh she's alright - she's just average.

Inside I was offended, like personally offended. It felt like she just insulted my own looks but she neither insulted anyone nor offended me personally.

I suppose I get attached to each subject of my portrait photography. I spend so much time editing them and trying to make them as pretty as I can, and often fall in love a little bit. I know their appearance so well by the end of an editing session. I know the proportions of their body, where their moles are, what pimples they had at the time, what pattern their freckles are.

It's creepy perhaps, but also beautiful. I never thought you could get to know a person so well through photography.

So yeah, I guess it makes sense for me to be defensive. But at the same time, it makes no sense.

Armrests

It isn't until your sister takes your chair away and you are forced to use her armrest-less chair that you begin to wonder if your chair had any.

Isn't it strange that I don't know something so basic about something I am in contact with every single day? I guess it's because I never encoded that information in my brain. I obviously received some sort of brain signal about it everyday because when I looked at the chair through my eyes, the retinal ganglion cells sent messages to the brain through the optic nerve.

What I mean is, I can't believe I don't know this piece of information. Don't sweat the little things right?

Butterfly Person

In my superficial musings, I say to my sister:

"You know, #subtweet is such a beautiful girl. But her boyfriend isn't that good looking, she can do better..."

My sis: "Wow Ariel, maybe he has a good heart. You're such a butterfly person"

So, two things:
1. Yes, I am superficial for saying that. I know better than to judge a book by its cover, but I'm only human and I am going to fall prey to thoughts like that sometimes. Mostly if they arise, I keep them to myself though.

2. Yes, I did just use a hashtag gimmick from twitter in order to keep the name anonymous, and I will probably keep doing that until I figure out a better way.

What she meant by calling me that referred to a conversation we had earlier when we were talking about butterflies and moths. My mom was so excited she found this summer camp about butterflies for her, and my sister was quick to tell her that she actually hates butterflies. My mom and I were both surprised, cause like, who doesn't love butterflies? The ensuing conversation went something like this:

Jamie: "Butterflies are just like moths, and I mean, you hate moths."
Ariel: "I do hate moths, but I mean they're fatter, less colorful, and squishier-looking them butterflies."
Jamie: "Yeah well do you see why society likes prettier and skinnier people now?"

I think the actual conversation was a little more deeper sounding then what I've written here. But at any rate, my sister was trying to teach me that I shouldn't put value on things just because they are more beautiful. True, butterflies are skinnier, daintier, and more colorful than moths. But when you get down to it, are they so different? I mean, I'm sure there are many other scientific, biological differences. But I mean, when it comes down to the bare bones of what they are, they are both flying bugs with giant wings.

Is it fair for me to hate moths and love butterflies? Probably not.
Guess I'll have to rethink my life a bit.

That and somehow get over my disgust of moths.

Blueberries in the Microwave

Sometimes it's hard to think and do at the same time. Sometimes it's really not hard at all, and you're just absentminded.

I was taking out some blueberries to eat and I was going to wash them. At the same time, I was thinking about adapting the muffin tin cherry pie recipe I recently learned for blueberries. I was also thinking about how I need to buy gluten free flour if I wanted to bake some for my gluten free, lactose intolerant, vegetarian boss (yikes she can't eat anything!). She's so kind to me, and I want to do something nice for her too.

But anyway, as I was thinking about the oven and baking in general, I accidentally walked over to the microwave and put the bowl of blueberries inside. I preceded to set the microwave time to 20 seconds, and then stopped before I pressed the start button. I remember thinking "how long should blueberries be microwaved again? I think 20 seconds might be too much, it's more like...oh dammit, why did I put the blueberries in the microwave?"

It's moments like these that you start to realize you're getting old...no I'm only kidding, really, I probably just had a long day.

Or as my friends would say "Go home Ariel, you're drunk."

The Stories I Don't Know

The entrances and exits to the metro always has people asking for money. For those without a sign, I wonder what's their story. For those with, I wonder if their story is real. It's always the same people, but today I noticed a woman I hadn't seen before standing to the side with a backpack and a cardboard sign. It read "Just left an abusive home. Please help" Something about the look on her face led me to walk over and hand her a dollar. And when she stared back at me with a sad smile on her face and said "Thank you, God bless you", I believed her story.

My Mind

I will never understand the giant complicated, tangled ball of yarn, that is my mind. Yet I want some way to document every thought, each stage of enlightenment, the good and the bad, that flows in and out of this mind of mine. I mostly craft the most carefully thought out ones into a facebook status if I believe people would care to read it. I try not to waste anyone's time. Because honestly if you take the contents of ones mind (all the things that flew through it) of one day, we would get 7.1 billions of series of books that no one has the time or energy to read.

That being said, I want to be able to look back on my developing years as I transition from crazy wild nights that comes from being young and independent, to when I finally understand who I am and become a full grown woman. It's a constant battle between wanting to still act like a child and wanting to be professional and mature in all I do.

So here goes, this is an experiment. And like all experiments, you never know if your hypothesis will be correct and what the results will be. Just gotta wait and see, I suppose.