Just looking at that word puts shivers down my spine. Well, not really. But you know, what I keep telling myself, is that rejection only gets easier and easier.
And yeah sort of, but even if I don't feel pain...somewhere deep down, something is affected, I'm sure of it.
I'm of the belief that all that prolonged flirting, playing hard to get, pretending to like someone else, creating jealousy, putting someone in and taking someone out of the friend-zone, etc....those games are dumb. Romance should be simple and straightforward.
I mean so I think, but unfortunately the world doesn't work that way. I think this is the last time I will try and play by my rules. Next time I will follow the rules of the romantic world.
I always replay things in my mind that could have worked out better. But that's also dumb because the fact of it is, you can't go back in time and change anything. So why beat myself up over something that has already happened?
I hung out with someone and afterwards sent them a text saying
"I'm going to regret his so hard in the morning, but I'm sending this while I'm still tired and not thinking straight. Just wanted you to know I am extremely attracted to you....blah blah blah"
And guess what, I did regret it...somewhat. But I'm also glad I just went ahead and said it.
He replied saying that he didn't feel the same way, which, well I thought he did...that's the main reason I felt comfortable sending that text. SO I guess it just goes to show you that when it comes to love/lust I know NOTHING. Well, I already knew that. But still I put myself in situations that I just know aren't going to turn out well.
He then went on to say that if it was going to make things weird or difficult between us, we shouldn't hang out.
I hate awkward relationships, ruined friendships, uncomfortable situations, anything of that sort. And I always hear stories of how people date or there's unrequited love or a casual hookup, and it all ends badly between the two people involved. Maybe more than two, who knows.
I just ain't about that life. And I want to make sure that everyone I meet I end up staying friends or at least civil acquaintances with.
Last time a guy broke my heart and started dating a girl in the same friend circle. I chose to stick it out and suck it up. My other guy friend who liked the girl chose to become detached. But if I did that...I would have a lost a close friend, become estranged from my friend group, all at the cost of a love that would never have worked anyway.
So, I said something like "okay, no worries, it won't make things difficult between us at all...forget I said anything :) "
And he said "I can do that."
So you know what, I think I'm just going to leave it at that. I honestly don't know whether I should be hurt and cry or laugh. My initial reaction was to laugh at the stupidity of it all. Which made me realize that it doesn't really hurt because this is LUST and not LOVE.
I'm attracted to a lot of people. I may or may not want to have sex with them all. But that doesn't mean I would want to marry them or even date them.
I guess that's why I'm okay this time. It's a little more complicated because he gave me my first kiss, but honestly, it's not much different. I knew we didn't get along in the romantic sense. And well, this confirmed we didn't even get along in terms of lust and attraction.
Does this hurt my ego though? Well, maybe. But it shouldn't. I still think I'm pretty fantastic.
Besides, there's plenty of fish in the sea right?
I just have to recast my line or something.....
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