Social Concepts of Time - Is Late the New On Time?

Each person’s concept of time is inevitably different from that of another such that our natural clocks never seem to overlap.

It’s curious to think that one person can feel the same intensity of energy for the day with 6 hours of sleep while another person needs 10 to come close to the same amount. But this is more a product of our biological makeup than it something we can fix or control. Or so I believe.

Perhaps more puzzling is when a meeting is set for 8:00am and one arrives 5 minutes early, one arrives exactly on time, one arrives 5 minutes late, and one is only just leaving their house at 8:00am.

Because how many times has this been the case? That even though there is a fixed reference point for when you should arrive at a certain location, there is always variance in the arrival of each person to said point.  Seldom do all people involved arrive at the exact same moment.

This observation has led me to believe that learning to fit your concept of time with others’ concept of time is a crucial skill to master.

It’s easy to make an overgeneralized negative statement and say that anyone who is late has a poor concept of time. That they can’t manage it and can always be counted on to be late to the frustration for those who must wait for them.

In the career world, that may be the case, and in fact, is the case. But in the world of social get-togethers and coffee dates, the lines are blurred and understandably so. When in college, the difference between people's concept of time is even more pronounced.

Just as you learn about a person’s childhood, favorite bands, career interests, and life goals, you must also learn their concept of time. 

That is, if you are meeting a friend that always arrives 5-10 minutes late to every meeting, it would make sense for you to leave 5 minutes later than you would usually leave. It saves a great deal of annoyance as well as boredom in the trickling minutes until their arrival.

Yet, this requires an alteration of one’s own concept of time. My somewhat unconscious and natural concept of time remains the same - I wish to be early or at least on time. But in recent months, I have forced myself to wait that extra 5 minutes before leaving for a meeting with certain (most) friends. 

This is not to say that I am never late. Because I am at times. This is not to say my concept of time is any better or worse. I used to think that way, but I've started to realize that a vast majority of people in college do not mean 8:00am when they say 8:00am. An illogical and ironic truth that has become real and practiced in the social constructs of my collegiate world. 

College took my concept of time and twisted it. I still remember my shock at how every event started at 9:00pm at the earliest. "That's when I'm getting ready to go to bed. 7:00pm is a much more sensible time" I thought to myself. That was then. Now I know and am wired to assume that if the party starts at 9:00pm, you arrive at 10:00pm.

It bothers me for sure. But the benefits of arriving at a time that coordinates with other people's arrival outweighs the little bit of cognitive dissonance I have to endure in my mind. 

I think my urge to try and be early or at least right on time to every affair stems from a fear of offending another by being late, of missing out on some crucial event, or arriving in a less than put-together state. But then my fear of arriving early is that of wasted time, building up of tension and frustration, boredom, and social awkwardness.

My fear of the first few items is stronger than my fear of the latter few items. 

With that above realization I have created my own ideas and applications around the concept of time.

I’ve learned to take this supposedly wasted time with good graces. Sometimes it’s nice to simply sit there and take some time to yourself. Sometimes I find things to do so I don't look uncomfortable just waiting, conveniently also solving the issue of boredom. Technology helps.

It doesn’t matter what the other person does; I keep to my word. Even when I know someone will most likely be late and I’m running late myself, there’s something about walking faster to arrive right on time that gives me relief. I stand there breathing slightly hard but glad that I got there in time regardless of when the other arrives.

Time, whether early, on the dot, or late, only adds another dimension to a person. Along with the thousands of intricacies or factors that define a human being, this concept of time, I’ve discovered, is yet another facet. And boy is it an important one to figure out.

If I want to wait, I shall. And if I don’t, I won’t. Time in this context should be mine to control, at least when it applies to me. Only when I understand what time means to the people in my life will I come closer to mastering time.

Street Showstopper

In NYC, the streets are filled with people from all walks of life. Here more than anywhere though, there are people that stand out, that I can't help starting at, admiring, and being attracted to. Guys sure, I'm only human. But more strikingly, there are women that make an immensely lasting impression for the 5-10 second window of time you spend passing them on the street.

Aside from the occasional model, if you strip away everything these women have on (for a lack of a better way to put it), a lot of these women are just objectively average.

I was thinking about why some girls on the street stop traffic while others are just a blur walking by. Sure it has a bit to do with how they naturally look, but a lot of it's presentation. I'm starting to think any girl can be a showstopper if they have all the right components:

1. Colorful clothing

• Bright colors
• Contrasting but complimentary colors 
• Colors that are flattering for her skin tone

2. Accessories

• Completely changes the look of an outfit
• More than just one, usually at least 2-3 out of the 4 kinds (necklace, earrings, bracelet, ring)
• Noticeable and bright 
• Increases the elegance and allure of the girl

3. Makeup

• In general accentuates a girl's features, but you don't really need that much makeup on or any overall. It's about having one thing that pops.
• Red or bright lip
• Contoured face or noticeable cheekbones highlighted using blush
• Intense eyelashes

4. Masculinity/Confidence

• Having an edginess to the feminine in the body language
• Sometimes wearing something that's slightly androgynous
• A strut or confident walk changes everything
• Fast pace of walking with purpose
• Head high or at least up and straight forward

5. Height

• Build matters a little less, it's more about height - people have to be able to see them (their face) with relative ease
• If short, wear tall heels

Then there are other things that can help but aren't necessary per say:

1. Fashionable clothing

2. Big, beautiful eyes

3. Model body

And really that's it. It seems like a lot, but when you really think about it, all of this except maybe the height is doable for a lot of women. 

I also see women on the street and think, wow they are absolutely beautiful. But for the regular passerby, this women probably fades into the background because their outfit is completely grey, they have no accessories on, they're walking slowly and without a spring to their step, and there isn't anything about their face that pops necessarily.

Not everyone wants to be noticed on the street. But it's interesting to think about why some DO get noticed and how a lot of people CAN if they so chose to be.